Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
