dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
