Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
