i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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