Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
