I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
