Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
