I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
