Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
