So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
