I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
