everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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