I just saw a hot homeless man
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
