I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
