Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
