Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
