I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
