did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
