We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
