took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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