I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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