Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
