I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
