where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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