I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
