They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
