We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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