Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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