I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
