i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
