If i come over, it means nothing
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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