my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
