just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
