I think my vagina is haunted
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
