in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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