$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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