Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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