I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
