Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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