Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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