I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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