Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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