If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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