Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
