I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
