Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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