kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He felt like a one man threesome
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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