I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
