I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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