this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We have so much sex to catch up on
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
